Handling People Problems

Photo by Juri Gianfrancesco on Unsplash

Ugh, people problems are the worst to deal with. Unfortunately, I tend to avoid conflict so I don't think I have ever learned to deal with them properly. 

Fortunately/unfortunately I have recently been getting a lot of practice.

Recently, I was in a meeting that was a little ... contentious. This meeting was the result of a long and drawn out series of meetings that have brought us to this point. In one of the more recent meetings, I had felt attacked, so I attacked back.

This is my reflection for how I should handle this kind of situation next time.

• Listen

Everyone should listen without judgement, but especially leaders. When listening we should not jump to conclusions, but listen to understand the other side. Does the other side have a point?

• Apologize early and accept responsibility

It is better to apologize and try to move on than dig in to your position or double-down. You might win the battle, but end up destroying your reputation or the culture around you. Leaders think of the collective before themselves.

• Look for win-win situations

Are there any win-win situations? Could you as a leader turn down the temperature and give in a little bit?

• Pause before speaking

This is something I am working on. I tend to, and especially in this situation, I was always listening to respond right away and not fully listening to what was going on. I have wanted to respond right away, instead of letting myself take in what was said first. 

• Question instead of accusing

There was a point in our negotiations where something was said about the timeline to make criteria for the process. The response was three weeks. I lost it. After six months of going through this conflict resolution, and after two years between when the events happened and now, there was no thought of criteria. (That is basically what I said.)

Another chap in the room said, "Let me ask this in another way. How many hours would it take you to complete the criteria?" The answer was 3 hours - which still made me furious. But I was impressed with the rewording of my question. 

Laughing Together

Today my class and I were discussing my small moment story. We were talking about the scenes in a story that can help you understand a character's motivations.

I was using my small moment story as an example and I talked about how I needed a bottle to wash away my dog's pee on the street.

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A post shared by Thomas Hammerlund (@thomashammerlund) on Nov 25, 2018 at 2:53am PST

Well, that set them off laughing, and since they were sitting on the carpet in front of me, rolling on the ground. And this happened every time I said the word pee.

So I tried to say it more.

So here I was, at the end of the day, 18 fourth graders in front of me, rolling on the floor laughing uncontrollable belly-laughs, erupting, again and again, each time I said the word pee and I tried to use it as much as I could.

This was back in October, but I still think back on this afternoon as one of the highlights of the year so far.

Lessons Learned

Every day is a learning opportunity. Sometimes you don't need to look too hard; especially when you are learning something new yourself.

Here are a few lessons I have been reminded of the first few weeks back in the classroom.

1. Relationships Matter
2. Prime Students to Learn
3. Seesaw is awesome

Relationships Matter

I think the quote goes, "Kids won't learn from people they don't like." (I think this goes for all humans.) I took time to get to know the students since I am a new teacher to the school and I didn't know anyone.

In a school, however, there are more than students in the building. I was reminded that building relationships with all people in the building because you never know who you will need to turn to for help.

Prime Students to Learn

This I didn't do this year. I was so focused on getting to know the kids that I [tried to] jumped into the learning, but soon found out they weren't ready. Now in the third week, they still aren't ready, but they are getting better. 

Next year, I would spend the first-week building relationships and priming the students to learn while doing some project-based learning. 

Seesaw is Awesome

I was so happy when I heard that my new school was going to Seesaw this year, and it hasn't disappointed. 

Parents are happy to see students in action at school, and I am happy to share with them. I don't remember a year with better communication between myself and the parents.