Handling People Problems

Photo by Juri Gianfrancesco on Unsplash

Ugh, people problems are the worst to deal with. Unfortunately, I tend to avoid conflict so I don't think I have ever learned to deal with them properly. 

Fortunately/unfortunately I have recently been getting a lot of practice.

Recently, I was in a meeting that was a little ... contentious. This meeting was the result of a long and drawn out series of meetings that have brought us to this point. In one of the more recent meetings, I had felt attacked, so I attacked back.

This is my reflection for how I should handle this kind of situation next time.

• Listen

Everyone should listen without judgement, but especially leaders. When listening we should not jump to conclusions, but listen to understand the other side. Does the other side have a point?

• Apologize early and accept responsibility

It is better to apologize and try to move on than dig in to your position or double-down. You might win the battle, but end up destroying your reputation or the culture around you. Leaders think of the collective before themselves.

• Look for win-win situations

Are there any win-win situations? Could you as a leader turn down the temperature and give in a little bit?

• Pause before speaking

This is something I am working on. I tend to, and especially in this situation, I was always listening to respond right away and not fully listening to what was going on. I have wanted to respond right away, instead of letting myself take in what was said first. 

• Question instead of accusing

There was a point in our negotiations where something was said about the timeline to make criteria for the process. The response was three weeks. I lost it. After six months of going through this conflict resolution, and after two years between when the events happened and now, there was no thought of criteria. (That is basically what I said.)

Another chap in the room said, "Let me ask this in another way. How many hours would it take you to complete the criteria?" The answer was 3 hours - which still made me furious. But I was impressed with the rewording of my question.